1. |
Gold
04:07
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Am I lost at sea or safely on the shore?
Visceral, out of body, no way to know for sure
Sending out blank postcards:
“Wish you were here”
“Greetings from god knows where”
Cut it open, cut it open, to the bone
Never broken, only swollen, limbs I call my own
I am not broken, I am golden, I am gold
I am not chosen, I am broken, I am growing old
Couldn’t hold all my faults and flaws in my palms
Couldn’t help myself from waking up on front lawns
Wouldn’t stumble, only crawl
Too damn stubborn, worst of all
I am an iteration of an iteration
Deeply filtered process, excess growth and needless complication
Call me crazy, I am crazy
I’ll admit it, reconcile me
Recognize that I’m outside me, terrified to verify it
Never quiet, always frantic
It’s like I gravitate towards panic
But I am sober I am manic
It’s nothing I can’t handle
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2. |
To the Moon
04:13
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Cover my eyes, this is killing me
Sit in silence, snow is gathering
Cut off your hair, you don't act the same
Branching off and independently
You found souther hospitality
I stayed north, the cold keeps me alert
We used to make mistakes and love it
Self-destruction tamed? Far from it
You said sleep was for the lame and lonely
"It's complicated."
Not so honestly, you told me while dozing off on me
Dry in my mouth, but I don't mind the taste
Close my lips, not like you'd listen
Mixing wine with your prescriptions
What fault in my design drew me to you?
My lungs are blacker
Have you noticed you always haunt me at my lowest?
It was not the distance
It was you
Now you're lyrics in a song about a singular girl
Who will not make any more of an impact on my world
You can try to think you meant something, but you'd just be indulging
You are particles and elements, all slowly decomposing
I couldn't handle your worst, now I can't stand you at your best
I would have blamed it on myself but I know I don't know what's best
Now I can't watch certain films
I can't listen to the songs that we screamed in my car with the volume on all the way
I would have gone all the way and back
To the moon
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3. |
Heaven
04:13
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Look at all that you have
Keep it out of my reach
Never took it for much
Look at all that you have
If I had not asked, would I not have known?
Would we have sat on my kitchen floor all night?
Am I wasting my time or just wasting my breath?
Looking for conflict after you left.
Heaven was never with you
It was a place and a time I could escape to
I wasn’t warm in your arms, but I was warm in my car
And a car can’t drive you up a wall
Take a look at my lungs
Look at all that you’ve lost
Make my final exhale
Cuz I’m sick of breathing this same damn air
I don’t know what we are, but it doesn’t seem real
We’re twisted and drowning, and a little elite
Lovesick for seasons, and feeling so weak
Listening to dead air because we couldn’t speak
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4. |
Sober
05:33
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Create Me
Design me from scratch and however you like
You can make me
If not in your image than anything less
Mold me to be a most elegant wreck
Hate me
Examine my skin like I’m sullied and worn and
Berate me
At intimate moments I’m prone to recoil
I hate how I think that I’m better alone
Invade me
Dig your nails in my pores and uncover my guilt
I’m afraid we
Will not last through the night, and you’ll leave when we wake
It’s a daydream of yours but a nightmare of mine
One day when I’m older
I’ll be the king of cancelled plans
And my insecurities will get the best of me
Contain me
Bottle me up and then throw me to sea
You can hang me
Just tighten the rope, I won’t bother to breathe
Admire my struggle, my fumbles, my trouble
Speculating
A report and conclusion for all my delusions
I’m waiting
For my luck to catch up to my mouth and my mind
I’m engrossed with the notion that I must be dying
Erase me
I’ll go out with a bang and a cherry on top
Celebrating
A toast to my omens, a nod to my flaws
I will dance with the devil and sing with the gods
Now I will find a reason for this state of mind
When I am renewed, my conscious will betray the truth
I am all that I am, the remnants of a better man
My shame, my guilt, absolved
A curse to have been born so evolved
Now that we’re both sober
I can finally rest my head
These insecurities will always get the best of me
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5. |
I Should Probably Go
04:54
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If I'm just an "old friend"
Did you never intend
To break my heart as badly as you did?
If you never loved me
Did you think it'd be grand
To watch me break my back for you?
Go ahead and laugh
It’s funny
Tell me something wrong
Tell it right to my face
Remind me of my flaws
And how I never change
Wake me up late at night
Just to call me and say
In your slurred tired voice
That you're happier this way
But I don't need you back
I just want you around
Shit car and a deep fear
I just wanted to leave here
Pack my clothes up and drive until I’m sick
But you probably remember
How I get on long road trips
So can I just crash with you tonight?
I’ll stay on your couch
Wide awake
Tell me something wrong
Tell it right to my face
Remind me of my flaws
And how I never change
Wake me up late at night
Just to call me and say
In your slurred tired voice
That you're happier this way
But I don't need you back
I just want you around
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6. |
Toughen Up
04:35
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Curl up
Night sky ignites the fauna by your shrub
Lean in, balance, not yet calloused
Who will protect you from the monsters and the mud?
Abandon post
Clinging to the tailbone of your host
Dissipated, godforsaken
“You will learn to live alone now, you will like it”
You will learn to live alone now, you will like it
You will learn to take control and you will spite it
We all yearn to live alone now, we invite it
You, in turn, will be alone, are you excited?
Toughen up
You are healthy, you are strong, you are enough
Toughen up
You are healthy, you are strong, you are enough
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Please Respond Boston, Massachusetts
I wrote some songs and this is where I keep them safe.
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